Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
