I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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