smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
