halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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