She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
