Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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