Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
