Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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