she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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