I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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