Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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