I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
