i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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