so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
