I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
