my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
