What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i barfeds in our rink
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
