i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
