my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
