I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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