No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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