I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
