There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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