i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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