Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
