Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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