I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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