I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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