I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
