STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
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He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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