WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
His nipple licking is glorious
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