the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
