u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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