There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
