she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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