Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
