I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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