TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
