i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
