If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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