i think my mom watched the whole time
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
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It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
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His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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