just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
