I cut my penus on the lid.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
he's single and there are thong briefs.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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