If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
