Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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