We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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