Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
