I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
