Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
This girl is more easily done than said...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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