really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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