Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
