i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
