Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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