i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
