I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
