is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
