ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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