i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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