He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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