Umm I'm too high to move.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
