Have you finally orgasmed yet?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
