he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
