Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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