Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
