just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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