Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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