i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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