Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
