Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
