he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
