Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
