You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
