There was a lot of him and a little penis
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
