i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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