she looked like the before picture.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
