My balls are so social today.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
