Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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