Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
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the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
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My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize