I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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