He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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