All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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