I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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