in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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